Autumnal Waterfall 39 – Saints Row IV 2

Spoilers for the game abound.

Welcome back to Saint’s Row IV, where we are now the president of the United States of the North America, bitches.

The story picks up 5 years later, where the boss is in the middle of their first term. How does a gangster do as President? Pretty bad at only twenty points. But the boss isn’t afraid to alienate part of America at all. Let’s see how they do as president.

Chief of staff Ben King. Pierce Washington.

There have been quite a few changes to the White House since you arrived. Now, it’s the White Crib. And every photograph has been replaced by pictures of your gang. Shaundi, Oleg and Kinzie are still around as well. So’s your favorite TV star, Josh Birk.

As President, you get to make the tough choices, such as Cure Cancer or Solve World Hunger.

Keith, you blinked!

Oh yeah, that’s my character, with the Kabuki hairstyle.

And yes, solving a world problem is as easy as pointing to a bill and say get it done. Also, that is Keith David, your vice-president. As in, that is Keith David, actor-turned-politician.

Perhaps an even more important choice is: Hang out with Josh Birk or not. I choose yes, of course.

Wassup?

All in the day in the life of a President.

Of course that is until you get invaded by aliens.

We obviously don’t come in peace.

If you think this is one President of the United States that will just bow down and get abducted, you, and the aliens, have another thing coming.

Wrestling moves!

Unfortunately, all of your staff is getting abducted. Shaundi, Kinzie, Pierce and some of those other guys. Basically anyone the aliens deem worthy. This includes the boss because of sheer badassitude.

Badass like having turrets installed in the Portico.

Notice how I don’t even have to use my hands to fire the guns. I can just spend all my time taunting them.

Unfortunately, we lose and get abducted. Fortunately, it was all a dream! Everything from the previous 3 games was all a dream. We’re really just a nice person in the 50′s.

Good wholesome TV.

We have a perfect life. Shaundi’s my wife, because the 50′s are cool like that.

And this, this is the walk of a woman that just doesn’t care.

Howdy there neighbor.

What a nice, idyllic life. No aliens, no gangs, everything is great and you are still the president of the United States, going to meet your adoring public.

We have a nice drive where we cautiously accelerate and don’t drive onto the sidewalk, horribly maiming pedastrians and go at a top speed of twenty miles an hour.

What the fuck.

Sheriff is glitching out!

I’m sorry glitchy sheriff! I’m sorry.

And, oh crap, we’re in the Matrix here. It’s a good thing our super-hacker Kinzie has already broken out and is instructing us on what to do. In order to break the simulation, we pretty much just have to be ourselves. That means dealing wanton destruction. To do that, we have Genki!

Awww yeah.

You break this simulation so much that the lead alien, Zinyak, is forced to find a new simulation for you. This time, you’re dropped into a simulated Steelport. We’re finally in the main game, oh yeah!

Oh no!

Youtube. I dunno. Shrug.

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