Unbeaten Games: The Untold Saga – Episode I

We all know this story, but rarely is it put down on paper. You buy a game (or get it as a gift) and are extremely psyched up to play it. Sniffing the new game smell as you peel off the plastic, you put the disc in and play the sh*t out of it for a couple hours. As soon as you turn the game off, real life returns and you’re forced to do other things.

Most of the time, you’re able to go back and play it later; however, sometimes so many things come up that you don’t have the time to play. When you finally do get time, a new game has come out and you start to play that. This cycle continues ad infinitum until you have a stack of games you’ve beaten, but an even larger stack that you’ve started and haven’t had time to finish.

This weekly blog series will chronicle my attempt to break this cycle with my Xbox 360 games. I currently own 49 games for the system: 31 that I’ve beaten and 18 that I’ve either not opened yet or started and never finished. The list contains the games we’ll be exploring together over the next *insert however long this takes me*:

• Batman: Arkham Asylum
• Batman: Arkham City
• BioShock 2
• Call of Duty: Black Ops
• Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3
• Fallout 3
• Halo Wars
• Lost Odyssey
• Ninja Gaiden 2
• Phantasy Star Universe
• Prince of Persia
• Red Dead Redemption
• Sonic the Hedgehog
• Star Ocean: The Last Hope
• Star War: The Force Unleashed
• Street Fighter IV
• The Elder’s Scroll V: Skyrim
• Tomb Raider: Underworld

Now I want to be perfectly clear about my definition of beaten/finished. I am not referring to completing 100% of everything in the game nor am I referring to obtaining all the achievement points nor anything involving multiplayer; I am strictly referring to the main quest/story/etc. that the game designers inserted into the game.

With all that having been said, let’s move into the first game!
 

Batman: Arkham Asylum

Warning! – Spoilers to follow beyond this point. If you do not wish for the story to be compromised, stop reading now!

I opened BAA for the first time this past weekend and was pleasantly surprised by the gameplay and storytelling. I heard from many people that this game was great, but wasn’t about to give into the hype just yet.

After reaching about the halfway mark (Botanical Gardens), I can honestly say that this is a great game. The feel of the combat system is smooth and the game does a great job of exploring the various facets of Batman universe that I never knew existed. All the characters are fleshed out well and the setting for the game is one that I’ve been waiting to see for years.

My biggest complaint is the stalking/hiding part of the game. I know Batman is different from Assassin’s Creed series, but I thought that some of that style gameplay might be included in BAA. So far, I haven’t felt the necessity to hide in the shadows and when the game forces me to do it, taking down the enemies doesn’t feel like a challenge. I understand that I’m only playing normal mode, but still… Here’s to hoping that the game picks up in the second half.

That will do it for this week’s episode of Unbeaten Games. Hopefully, the next entry in this series will contain a wrap-up of Batman: Arkham Asylum and I will have new info on the next game on my list. Until next time…

Game Over

Reflections: Unreally Real

Industrial RadianceThe goal in any fictional, fantasy writing is to create an unreally real experience for the reader. Think of the stories that really stuck with you, the characters that are closest to your heart. Now think of the things that made those characters, those stories really stand apart from the rest.

For most of you, the biggest thing will be the connection. You feel a tie to the character, to the situation, and you feel their ups and downs more distinctly.

Think of a modern-day patriot, shipped off to do a tour in Iraq. Despite the abundance of commercial jobs he could get, most of them easier and better paying, this soldier has chosen to put his life on the line to protect his country. These are the men who fight and die, not because they have to, not because they want to, but because they believe it is the right thing to do.

In a fantasy setting, you can have the same thing: a soldier, a man who could be doing numerous other things, but chooses to serve his country or his people, chooses to put his life on the line for something important to him. The difference lies in that, overlying that identical feeling of patriotism or heroism, this man uses a powerful sword to fend off a horde of monsters, while in the back lines there are casters providing cover fire.

That, in essence is what makes fiction, what makes fantasy: realistic feelings, reactions, and choices in a world or situation that is not so realistic.

The intent is to make a story feel real so that the reader is drawn into the world, and in truly great examples, to make the reader wonder, could it be? Achieving this unreally real experience requires a blending of the right characters, an immersive world, and a strong yet fluid plot.

People are flawed and yet, throughout time, there have always been those who, big or small, have fought past those flaws, overcome their weaknesses, persevered through adversity, and led on through trials. People are not perfect, and they don’t have to be to make the right choices. Your characters should show this, show realistic faults, feel pain and pressure. How do they react? Are they swept along or do they struggle onward? Your characters have to relate to your readers, remind them of things they’ve felt or struggled through themselves, make them think of people they’ve known, hated, or cared about. Your characters should be people, rather than paragons of all things good or avatars of everything that is evil.

Our own world is filled with history, with laws of morality and laws of science, culture that fills libraries and spreads across many countries. Every world, even one of your own creation, should be filled with similar depth, with history, rules, laws, physics, people, and places, and if anyone should know these things it’s you, the author. Whether or not things would make sense here in our world, in your world new rules apply. Staying consistent to such rules will make your world come alive in a way that pulls the reader in as they seek to understand, to know and to predict.

Flow is one of the most often-overlooked and yet very important aspects of writing. Fluidity, cohesiveness, constancy. Characters should be moving forward always as they pass through your world, whether emotionally, physically, or spiritually. The plot of your world need not always be so straightforward as seeking the holy artifact at the bottom of the catacombs, nor should the ultimate goal supersede all other needs and events. Life is chaotic and the only certainty in any goal is that you will have to detour many times and you may never travel to your original destination. Even knowing that, your travels through life, through adversity, are always connected by a single thread, always a part of the same whole. It should be the same in your writing, where the plot is always there, always significant, and yet not always at the forefront. Side stories need to always move the plot forward even as they give readers a break from it.

Blend the real with the unreal.

The Zombie Plan: Five Classic Series Worth Watching

Five Classic Animes Worth Watching

As somewhat of a counterpoint to last week’s article, Five Worst Anime Series of All Time, I’ll now highlight some of the classics no self-respecting fan should go without seeing at least once. These are the cream of the crop when it comes to anime, so if you’ve yet to see any of them, you need to sit down and take a long, hard look at your life. As always, if you disagree with any of the opinions contained within, please make your concerns known to my agent.

He can be a bit bitey.

 

#5 – Trigun

Based on the space-western manga of the same name, Trigun follows the escapades of Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gumbigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andry Charton-Haymoss Ivanovici Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser III (more commonly known as Vash the Stampede) as he travels across the planet Gunsmoke. Known to the planets inhabitants as “The Humanoid Typhoon”, Vash is a wanted man, having a ludicrous sixty billion dollar bounty on his head for the destruction of Gunsmoke’s capital city of July. His epithet proves to be quite literal as he seemingly invites disaster wherever he goes — though it’s mostly caused by the hordes of bounty hunters that are perpetually gunning for our hero.

I don't think they'll see me down here!

Though it begins as a fairly light-hearted series, following a quite goofy Vash and his companions — a pair of insurance brokers seeking to minimize the damage caused by the infamous Humanoid Typhoon – on their wacky adventures, the series takes a rather drastic turn for more serious waters about midway through. It begins to delve into the psyche of the protagonist — a master gun-slinger who, contrary to his reputation is an adamant pacifist — a dangerous philosophy on the wild-west-like planet Gunsmoke where the prevailing attitude is kill or be killed.

"Love and Peace" is not always the best option.

It also explores the surprisingly sci-fi beginning of Vash and becomes incredibly dark as the series nears its conclusion as the protagonist must wrestle with the guilt over his past actions, all the while being physically and emotionally tormented by a mercenary group set on bringing the Humanoid Typhoon to his knees.

It gets seriously heavy at times.

As a whole, the series dissects the notion of the sanctity of life, providing a gripping, powerful and though-provoking framework that really brings a sense of depth and tragedy to Trigun — made even more poignant when juxtapositioning the somewhat comedic and goofy first half of the series with the dark and sombre conclusion. All in all, Trigun is an anime with something to offer everyone, and is an absolute must see for any true fan.

 

#4 – Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion

 Similar to the above entry, Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion focuses on a tragic anti-hero. Unlike the predecessor however, Code Geass starts heavy and stays that way until the very end. The plot of the series follows the marquee character, Lelouch Vi Britanina on his quest for revenge and eventually, the liberation of Japan from the rule of the “Britanian” empire. A disgraced prince of the aforementioned empire, Lelouch has been living in an occupied Japan under an assumed name and identity, wasting his days away in the guise of a normal high school student. This all changes when he comes into contact with a girl named C.C. who bestows upon him the power of “Geass”, which allows Lelouch to briefly control the minds of those he makes eye contact with.

 

Look into my eyes.

Using this power, the fallen prince begins exacting his revenge against his former country and his father, the Emperor of Britannia whom he blames for the death of his mother years earlier. Eventually, he adopts the personality of “Zero” and begins leading Japanese resistance groups to rebel against their Britanian occupiers under the promise that he will return their country to them — all in order to enact his ultimate revenge upon his father and build a better future for his terminally ill sister. Meanwhile, his childhood friend Suzaku Kururugi, son of the former Japanese prime minister prior to the country’s occupation by Britannia, joins the Britanian military and begins working his way up the ranks with the ultimate goal of freeing Japan. Though their goals are similar, Suzaku plans to free his country through honourable means, while Lelouch is willing to manipulate, deceive and kill to achieve his ends. This puts Suzaku at odds with Lelouch’s “Zero” personae, leading to the pair becoming unwitting rivals as the series progresses.

The series is particularly well written, with Lelouch coming off as a tragic but determined villain — a veritable mastermind who will stop at nothing to see his plan come to fruition. Though his methods are questionable, his goal of overthrowing the oppressive Britainian Empire and creating a more peaceful world are certainly commendable. You can’t help but root for him, even if he’s evil. On the flip side of things, his childhood friend and Japanese citizen, Suzaku is portrayed as an honourable and steadfast soldier working to free his country without resorting to unsavoury means — the complete opposite of “Zero”. This obviously puts the two at odds, although for most of the series neither is aware that the other is their most hated adversary; Lelouch hiding under Zero’s mask, and Suzaku in the cockpit of his “Knightmare” mecha, The Lancelot. 

One must always stretch before engaging in mecha-combat.

As the series progresses the pair, though friends in their everyday lives, become increasingly entangled in the conflict between Japan and Britannia, eventually leading to a final, climactic confrontation between the two where their true identities are revealed. It is, at least in my opinion, one of the most powerful scenes in any anime I’ve seen.

Shit just got real.

At its core, Code Geass deals with the themes of loss, the value of individuality, human morality, free will and a myriad of others. The writing is top-notch and as a series, Code Geass is absolutely steeped in human drama. It’s plot is intricate, compelling and paced to keep you on the edge of your seat. Add to that the beautiful animation, brilliant theatrics and an excellent audio element, and you have a series that truly leaves a lasting impact on its audience.

 

#3 – Furi Kuri

There is, I believe, a special place in the universe for those who understand the plot of Furi Kuri. Like enlightenment, once one truly understands this series, they’re whisked away from our realm of existence and taken to a place where they can talk about Jungian archetypes and Japanese coming-of-age rituals until time itself ends. Don’t believe anyone who says they understand the plot of this anime, because they’re obviously lying through their teeth. Furi Kuri is quite simply, the most off-the-wall, random and, dare I say, entertaining series to come out of Gainax, bar none. This bizarre coming-of-age tale focuses on the character of Naota, a young resident of the town of Mabase who’s world is turned upside down after his, ahem, run in with Haruko Haruhara — a self-proclaimed investigator from an organization known as the Intergalactic Space Patrol  who has come to earth in search of a legendary “space pirate” by the name of Atmosk.

Fatality!

Naota quickly becomes enthralled in an intergalactic rat-race between various groups to obtain Atmosk’s power and stop the evil organization known as Medical Mechanica (who has coincidentally just opened a factory in Mabase) from destroying the Earth. Naota, as it turns out, possesses an extremely powerful “NO Channel” — a sort of worm-hole in his head that allows those with the know-how to pull objects from anywhere in the universe to his location. These are including but not limited to, a robot with a TV for a head, a gigantic mechanical hand, a three-legged squid with a dislike for curry, several guitars, and eventually, the Pirate King Atmosk himself — all of which can be willed to Naota’s location by striking him very hard on the head.

Need a hand?

All of this, however, is tertiary. Furi Kuri isn’t about the plot: it’s about the experience. While watching the series six episodes from start to finish might leave you scratching your head if you try to weed out any kind of coherent framing devices, it will also be the most entertaining three hours you’ll ever spend in front of a television. Furi Kuri is non-stop fun from start to finish. Steeped in pop-culture, accompanied by truly eye-popping animation and a killer soundtrack, Furi Kuri is, simply put, an anime everyone must see.

 #2 – Durarara!!

A series equal parts slice-of-life, science fiction, thriller as well as a myriad of other genres, Durarara truly raises the bar in terms of plot and composition in anime. One of the many properties likely to have taken cues from our previous entry, the series is equally haphazard with a plot many times more coherent and involving. Framed within the seedy underworld of Tokyo’s Ikebukuro district, the series manages to incorporate a plot involving gang warfare, ancient mythology (both Irish and Norse), as well as forays into horror and murder-mystery territory while leaving room for humour, romance and most importantly, copious amounts of action. The series focuses on an ensemble-cast of characters including the naive newcomer to Ikebukuro, Ryugamine Mikado and his best friend (and former leader of the “color gang” known as the Yellow Scarfs) Masaomi Kida, the evil and manipulative information broker Izaya Orihara and his nemesis, the seemingly super-human bartender-come-bodyguard Shizuo Heiwajima, as well as the unscrupulous underground doctor Shinra Kishitani and his love-interest, Celty Sturluson — a creature from Celtic mythology known as a Dullahan who, having lost her head, works part-time as a transporter as a means to locate her absent cranium.

Celty is kind of a badass. A headless badass.

Though Mikado and Celty could be considered the series primary protagonists, everyone gets a decent amount of screen time, creating a very chaotic overarching story involving each of the characters personal plots — all of which are on a collision course. It’s one of the most involved and well-orchestrated series I’ve ever had the pleasure of watching, and its eventual conclusion is definitely one of the best endings to an anime you’ll ever experience.

#1 – Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann

Number one on my list of anime series worth watching is, unsurprisingly, Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann. It’s the quintessential shounen anime, and is absolutely teeming with style and testosterone. Unlike the other series on this list, there’s no one thing that really makes Gurren Lagann great. You could point to the excellent visuals, the vibrant characters, the well-written story or the top-notch action sequences and proclaim that they are what make the series stand out. I would argue that it’s these qualities together that make Gurren Lagann number one in my books. While there are other series that might pull off similar feats, Gurren Lagann does it all with gusto.

And Kamina.

Though it could be defined as a mecha series (there’s certainly no shortage of giant robot battles), Gurren Lagann places even more emphasis on its cast. Bold, colourful and relentlessly dynamic, the characters of the series are what really bring Gurren Lagann’s truly outrageous plot to life.

Taking place in a fictional future where Earth is ruled by a race of genetically altered “beast-men” and humans are forced to live underground in subterranean villages, the series focuses mainly on the character of Simon, a meek, unassuming inhabitant of one such village, and his friend Kamina, an arrogant and strong-willed delinquent who longs to see the surface. Together, the pair escape from their village and begin fighting back against the tyranny of the beast-men and their leader, Lord Genome in order to free humanity from their doomed existence underground.

Even the mecha have kickass sunglasses!

It seems formulaic, but the  larger-than-life characters, pitched mecha battles, droves of action, humour and, dare I say, fan service brings the series to a whole new level. Combined with the crisp animation provided courtesy of Gainax (I guess I lied when I said Furi Kuri was their pièce de résistance), Gurren Lagann really stands out as one of the best series to be produced thus far. It’s a feel-good anime that epitomizes a kind of high-octane action you just can’t find anywhere else. Just watching it puts hair on your chest, seriously.

 

Death Gods – Shinigami in Manga and Anime

The explosion of shinigami characters in manga and anime is a fascinating phenomenon that has lead to unique plots and characters. Whether it is the huge success of Tite Kubo’s Bleach or the entertainment factor in Soul Eater the Death Gods are sticking around.

The figure of the shinigami is a relatively new addition to Japanese culture. The word first truly enters the Japanese lexicon in the Meiji period and is the title of a play. The first image of a shinigami shows up in a book of supernatural beings called the Ehon Hyaku Monogatari. Lately the shinigami have resurfaced as a major set of characters with their own tropes and plot functions. The archetype of a being that rules over death is useful for storytelling and the Death God’s supernatural nature allows for many variations on the theme.

Variations on a Theme

Like all characters of a type there are definitely differences between the shinigami in each series. One of the most well-developed shinigami worlds exists in Bleach. Tite Kubo’s shinigami are beings who defend humans from evil soul-devouring spirits while ushering innocent souls into the afterlife. Their roles are well-defined and this gives a strong framework for storytelling. Interestingly the focus of Bleach revolves more around conflict between shinigami as opposed to their interaction with the human world.

The opposite is true of another popular series – Death Note – in which the shinigami are much less benevolent (and much more monstrous). The relationship between humans and shinigami is further explored with the shinigami playing a much more direct and sinister role in human life. Unlike Bleach there is no moral code that mandates non-interference with humanity except in certain cases. Death Note uses shinigami as a plot device to expose the treacherous and dark motives of the human race and to serve as a mirror to humanity.

In the case of Soul Eater there’s virtually zero focus on human-shinigami interaction and more on the capers of two rather silly shinigami (Death the Kid and Shinigami-sama). The whole manga has a much lighter touch and uses the two shinigami as a way to play up the interactions between supernatural beings. The idea of arbiters of life and death doesn’t deeply enter into the plot other than to explain why the shinigami need to take souls and fight against their witch enemies.

Appearance and Storytelling

The appearance of the shinigami also varies across the manga and anime that use them as a trope. In fact their appearances could be said to reflect their purpose and role within each of the different storylines. The nobility and strong sense of mission of the shinigami in Bleach are reflected in the samurai-style uniforms they wear and the stark black and white of those robes. The fact that they aren’t portrayed as monsters in any way would seem to support the basic idea of shinigami as moral actors in Bleach.

This image of a race that believes in order and has a code of behaviour is bolstered by the shingami world and its appearance. The fact that Rukongai exists as a city of souls and within it Seireitei where the shinigami live gives a sense of structure to their existence and provides a framework to hinge the relative good and evil of the actors in the story on.

Death Note is a marked contrast in which the shinigami are shown as ugly, demonic and monstrous. There is nothing terribly human about them and their interactions with people are largely destructive. There are some hints at a code of behaviour but for the most part the death gods are a simple vehicle to show the danger of human judgment and absolute power. The fact that the world of the shinigami is a blasted desert full of disorder again adds to the impression of ugliness and monstrosity.

It seems difficult to relate the shinigami’s appearance (with the exception of Shinigami-sama) in Soul Eater to anything within the storyline other than that the sheer over-the-top look of the characters and their environment. There is some correlation between the fact that while the shinigami inhabit the earthly plane they are still isolated within their own specific city that doesn’t necessarily have bearing on the outside world. However the metaplot of the story does bring their mission into some contact with the human world as without them the world will cease to exist.

Universal Tropes

The idea of a being that rules of the realm of human mortality is an ancient one that is repeated over and over in various forms. There’s no surprise that the trope worked to good effect in the supernatural world of manga. It also seems to have crossed borders in its popularity to catch the imaginations of North American fans of manga and anime. The universality of the themes has given extra traction to the idea and the creative nature of the mangaka and anime studios has seen the idea open up and embrace many storytelling possibilities.

Community Spotlight: Weekly Image Contest

The lucky winner of this week’s raffle is the user “lilmangoseed” for her depiction of the rebellious United Kanda Insurrection general, Orion Lycoris. Congratulations Mango, you’re now the proud owner of a shiny new collaboration bonus for the Halcyon Days RPG!

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Character Spotlight

A charismatic leader, Orion compels people with his words, motivating them for battle and stirring them for war. Patient and kind, Orion is a natural leader who wields the respect and love of his people. He has lived in the Kanda region his entire life, training the men and women to become successful warriors. He has pushed his allies to become mentally stronger so that they will be prepared for the attack on Seireitei that remains only a few short steps away.

His biography, however, is a lie.

Orion was originally planted as an SQN member sent to rile the people of Kanda to attack against the Gotei. He neither lived within the Kanda region for the greater part of his life, nor was he heavily influenced by Melion’s attack. However, after he was assigned to the area, Orion has since fallen in love with the people and their purpose.

Not wanting others to realize his past as an SQN agent, Orion has denied his true history time and time again. It has affected his views and his behavior. Whether or not he can distinguish between his fake history and his true past still remains a mystery.

The Incredible World of Yoshitaka Amano

Amano's concept drawing for Sephiroth.

 

Intricate forms resolve and swirl together and mechanical elements are synthesized with organic forms. These fusions and syntheses are common in the work of Yoshitaka Amano. Amano is possibly one of Japan’s greatest living artists. His combination of Japanese and Western sensibilities and traditions along with his technical ability makes for artwork that dazzles the eye and fires the imagination.

Amano’s work hints at a diversity of influences but none of it is a pastiche. There are flashes of Pop Art, the work of Gustav Klimt and the Vienna Secession and traditional Japanese woodblock prints that inform his work. His work crosses the boundaries of time and style. Hiroshi Unno, a Japanese art scholar and critic writes in an essay on Amano, “Amano works simultaneously with the old and the new. His works are a collection of nostalgic images you are sure you have seen somewhere — but they create a synthesis that has not existed until now.”

Complexity and Fusion

The first thing most people notice about Amano’s work is its complexity of line and form. There is a lush depth to the way in which he layers detail without creating a jumbled effect. The influences of Art Nouveau are clear in the backgrounds he creates. Hiroshi Unno says, “Through his studies of the illustrations of Art Nouveau and Art Deco, Amano realized the importance of background as well as the central design, and so he creates background textures with great minuteness and precision.”

Another unique characteristic of Amano’s is his desire to work in many different art forms. He paints, draws, prints and etches as well as creating stained glass pieces. In this respect he inherits the legacy of the Vienna Secession and its desire to connect across art forms and crafts. As Unno points out, “He is fully versatile in every technique, every style.” Yoshitaka Amano’s toolbox of styles and techniques gives his work tremendous range and push it forward into new areas.

Printmaking in both Japanese and Western traditions is one of his deep interests. In the introduction to The Complete Prints of Yoshitaka Amano the artist says, “When it came time for me to select a medium in which I could create my own world, printmaking was a natural choice.”

He goes on to say, “What drew me to printmaking was the honesty with which the process reproduces shapes and colors drawn directly on the printing block, and the ease of making multiple, full-size copies for more people to enjoy.”

Blurring Borders

Throughout his career Amano has moved between designing characters for anime and video games as well as working on personal projects in more traditional styles. This gives him the unique ability to adapt to a changing art world and adopt a new perspective on traditional art forms. Amano is not easily pigeonholed and traditionally rigid categories of art can’t capture the essence of his work.

In fact Amano’s art may fit into a new category called interstitial art. This is a term coined by the Interstitial Arts Foundation and refers to art that is, “art made in the interstices between genres and categories. It is art that flourishes in the borderlands between different disciplines, mediums, and cultures.”

The work of Yoshitaka Amano does indeed disrupt boundaries and implode the binary categorizations that have long been a part of the art world. He treads the line between “fine art” and decorative arts, between traditional disciplines and the world of technology and does so comfortably. Amano is a renaissance man.

This article was originally posted by me on Suite101.com on December 18th, 2010.

Because Brown: Improbable Weapons Part 1

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You know what I just don’t seem to understand? What is with anime, manga and video games not ever using traditional weapons at weapons? Instead, most creators decide to take the most mundane objects and decide to turn them into instruments of war. On the rare occasion that they do decide to use a legitimate weapon, they decide to push the limits of a weapon to an improbable state.

But, this does beg a question. What if? What would we need to do to take these items and transform them into actual, useful weapons?

 

#1 Children’s Playing Cards

To start this, let’s look at one of the most used ‘weapons’ in popular culture: playing cards. No, we’re not talking about specially made steel cards, or cards with razor blades attached to it, we’re talking about your run of the mill playing cards.

A particularly ridiculous use of trading cards was shown in everyone’s favorite show about motorcycling duelists, Yu-Gi-Oh 5Ds. Other than the fact that the cards hold the power of immortal gods and demons, for all intents and purposes they can be torn apart easily.

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No I don’t care that it has 3000 Attack. You would have to be ridiculous swag to throw these.

However, in the magical land of card games, these cards were much stronger, even able to pierce through a reinforced helmet. You know, the helmets specifically created to protect the user’s head. Many common police/motorcycle helmets are made of reinforced polycarbonate shells capable of withstanding the impact of crashes, and in the case of riot helmets even bricks.

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Swag level achieved

Now you may be saying, but those are blunt forces! Even then, the amount of force that would need to be balanced on the edges of the cards are too high to be sustained against edges of a card. For a card to do such a feat such as piercing through buildings and even granite. A common way to drill through granite currently is through a diamond tipped tools. I don’t care how good you are at throwing cards, you’re not getting through this stuff.

#2 Clarinets

Yes, clarinets. I suppose for some haters of the woodwind instrument, it could be legally classified as a weapon. However, in an actual battle scenario, it’s still a musical instrument. My main problem with clarinets is less the fact that it is an instrument roughly 4% of the population can play correctly, but what said instrument can do.

In the manga series Katekyo Hitman Reborn, one of the minor supporting characters uses this reed weapon as a legitimate battle strategy. Never-mind that this series has an extremely high rate of ridiculous weapon per square person (covering things such as handcuffs, food, yo-yo’s and forks), the Nunchaku Clarinet takes the cake for most ridiculous.

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Benny Goodman is rolling in his grave

One of the prominent abilities of the clarinet is Burning Vibrato. The clarinet is capable of producing sound-waves capable causing substances which come in contact with the weapons to boil.

Every substance has a specific frequency in which it resonates. At this point of acoustic resonance the object absorbs more energy from the wave than at any other frequency. You can see this in real life by people breaking glass through their voice or sound systems. However, that’s simply breaking.

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Look at that posture. That’s how you play clarinet.

For water to boil, you would need to produce a sound wave with the frequency similar to its natural frequency. For water, this value is already in the microwave region. Now, I don’t know about you, but I don’t know of any clarinet able to produce sound waves strong enough to make my Easy-Mac.

This is also simply water, to reach the point where it is able to melt things such as granite and wood, you would have the frequencies necessary are enormous and impossible to recreate in the strength needed by a simple reed.

#3 Roses

Everyone loves Tuxdeos. Everyone loves Masks. Therefore Everyone loves Tuxedo Mask, right? Wrong. Everyone’s favorite -notthatsecret- secret identity in the popular Sailor Moon series had quite an interesting weapon to say the least. Roses. Yes, roses. Those nice smelling flowers that you can never actually grow yourself. However, these are more than regular roses. These are magic roses with the capability to fly as well as arrows, lodge themselves into concrete and pierce bone.

In order to lodge themselves into concrete, the stem of these roses must be something really special. Normal stems of plants are made from complex structures of vascular tissue in plants. They are usually porous, allowing for easy exchange of water and other nutrients from the soil. However, what they aren’t, is made out of reinforced steel and with diamond tips.

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Cue dramatic falling petals

For the roses in question, they were usually thrown with enough force to easily lodge into objects. That would mean that the entirety of the force to pierce would be centralized on the tip of the stem. In most plants, the entirety of the stem would crumble and bend. The tissue in the stem has quite a bit of capability to bend and fold, so a the force would instead be spread over a period of time, decreasing the force applied on the ground.

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Epitome of manliness in Sailor Moon. GJ Takeuchi. GJ.

Not only that, roses are terrible aerodynamically. They do not have any sort of rigid structure for easy throwing. Not only that, the wavy petals of the rose are a nightmare for fluids and are the very definition of drag force. For essentially a normal such as Tuxedo Mask, he must have some extended training in genetics to make these magic plants.


The Zombie Plan: Five Worst Anime Series of All Time

The Five Worst Anime Series of All Time

In the land of manga and anime, there are many masterpieces that really demonstrate the kind of heights the art form can reach. Masterfully rendered and beautifully written, these gems really showcase just how good of an artistic medium manga and anime can be. However, for every diamond, there’s a lump of coal; for every Mona Lisa, a poorly drawn stick figure scribbled on the back of a napkin. This article is about the latter; those stomach-churning exercises in mediocrity that lead one to question their faith in humanity — providing they aren’t driven to autocanibalism by the sheer badness of these flops.

#5 – Toaru Majutsu no Index

I know, I know. Index in a list of worst anime series? Before you cry foul, hear me out. I love Index (and its associated spin-off) as much as the next guy, but what really cements this series as my fifth worst is this simple fact: Touma is a terrible protagonist.

The series itself had the potential to be great. The plot was well thought out, the characters are interesting, and it delves into some deeper themes that most in its age group would shy away from. It had all the makings of a truly epic Shounen anime, so why is it here? It’s because the focus of the series — the character of Kamijou Touma — is about as likeable as a board with googly-eyes stuck on.

A misogynistic board.

All the interesting character development happens around the protagonist, while the main  event himself is a rigid, annoying ponce of a character who isn’t even relevant to his own series because he gets all of his memories wiped in the first five episodes.

Index had the potential to be great, but this one misstep essentially doomed it to becoming just one more irritating Shounen romp. It’s a shame, because I really like Index in general. I guess the moral of the story is don’t give your protagonists the emotional depth of Keanu Reeves.

This is my happy face

#4 – Devil May Cry: The Animated Series

Warning bells should be ringing already. This is an anime based entirely on the Devil May Cry franchise of video games. While the games themselves are pretty unique and fun, what could loosely be called the series ‘plot’ does not make for a very good anime. It’s like someone saw the games and said to themselves; “how can we take all the fun and interactivity out of this while retaining all the wank?”

Wank is more literal than intended

This anime was the result. It’s a mindless, clichéd slug-fest that tries so hard to recapture the magic of its source material that it completely misses the mark and swings right back around to horrible. The characters have the depth of a teaspoon, the action sequences may as well have been choreographed by Hellen Keller for all that you can make out through all the movement blur and gore. Even the protagonist of Dante, who’s supposed to be an unlike-able douche, somehow managed to come off as even less endearing and even more  of a wanker.

Do you feel lucky, punk?

Add to the list of crimes terrible voice acting and a lack of any coherent themes or interesting plot (even when compared against the games) and you’ve got the makings of an anime that was dead before it left the drawing board.

#3 – Duel Masters

Duel Masters, as some of you may know, is an anime about a spry, spiky-haired lad giving it his all in life-or-death battles involving special trading cards and a severe lack of adult supervision. Over the course of his journey, the protagonist will encounter new friends and enemies whilst unravelling a dark secret thousands of years in the making. There was something about Egypt, too. I might have nodded off at some point but you get the gist.

Oh wait, that was Yu-gi-oh. 

Duel Masters is actually a largely nondescript series with largely the same premise as the aforementioned trading card  romp, that simultaneously manages to be twice as tedious while falling into all the same trappings as its predecessor, and then some. It’s a series that seems to be trying to cash in on the fad at the time (the fad presumably being series based around card games and trying to be the very best at them) and failing spectacularly.

#2 – SD Gundam Force

Here we are, the big number two. It’s apt, somehow. First, lets get this out of the way. SD in the name stands for “super deformed”, not “superior defender”, you slack-jawed yokel! With that cleared up, lets talk about why it’s the second worst anime that has ever ravaged my eyeballs with its foulness.

PREPARE YOURSELF, HUMAN

This series, though targeted at a younger demographic, manages to take all the things that make Gundam (and the mecha genre in general) interesting, strip it away and replace it with some terrible cell-shaded 3D models that look like they were done in a middle-school computer lab. In this rendition of the Gundam franchise, bright-eyed humans co-exist with these robotic abominations in the utopian city of Neotopia. That all goes to hell when some  evil, but equally abominable robots known as the Dark Axis decide, “fuck all that shit, we’re robots damn it!” and proceed to wreck up the place. Copy and paste that synopsis for fifty two episodes and you have yourself a series. A really bad series.

I get it, it’s for kids and I shouldn’t be expecting any plot development or overarching themes beyond what can hold the attention-span of the younger demographic.

Look! A squirrel!

No, SD Gundam Force takes this spot on the list for being the avatar of the bottom line in anime. Forget the sanctity of a franchise, established mythos or fan base; if they think they can sell these day-glo midget Gundams to unsuspecting children, they damn well will. And there’s nothing you can do about it.

#1 – The Prince of Tennis

Here we are. Number one. This series has a special place in my cold, black heart as the most baffling of the entries on this list. It’s an anime about tennis. Tennis.

“Rawghbluagheaugh!”

The series’ creators, in their infinite wisdom try to sell The Prince of Tennis as a slice-of-life anime with some semblance of a story beyond, well, tennis. Don’t be fooled. This is as boring as it gets. It’s the audio-visual equivalent of a funectomy. And truth be told, if you’re into watching nearly two-fucking-hundred episodes of a kid improving his tennis chops, more power to you. You’re probably crazy. Or Australian.

If you’re like the rest of us, watching this series from start to finish is like pulling teeth. It lacks any human drama, emotional depth, compelling plot, interesting characters, or anything  that could make the experience enjoyable. You don’t care who wins or loses, you don’t care if Ryoma masters his backhand, you just want it to be over. 

This makes it even more puzzling to me because the series went on for years and has a huge fan base. It’s blown up into a media franchise, with books, radio shows, video games, soundtracks, movies (both animated as well as live action) and a god damn stage musical. 

 

Community Spotlight: Weekly Image Contest

Every week, we select one image at random from Mangaden’s ‘booru’ to receive the prestigious honour of being featured on the site’s Weekly Image Spotlight! This week’s lucky winner is the user “Inkers” for her drawing of the character of Mineto Mitsuyo in female format, pictured below.

 

Character Spotlight

In public, Mitsuyo is a quiet and unassuming young boy. He keeps his thoughts and opinions to himself unless specifically asked, and even then he tends to dull down the quality of his answers in order to avoid drawing too much unwanted attention. The reason why is made clear whenever he is provoked into actual conversation, where he is quick to make himself out to be a complete jerk due to his crude language, firm beliefs, sarcastic and blunt manner, and overall antisocial attitude.

However, those who are steadfast enough to suffer his brazenness and become close friends with Mitsu know he’s merely bad at socializing, perhaps due to his extremely unusual upbringing…and the fact that he’s never made any friends. He’s almost comically easy to embarrass, and the main reason he keeps such a muted persona in social situations is to avoid making an idiot of himself (like, he would be quick to point out, everyone that lets their mouth run without thinking). Despite being highly intelligent, an astute observer, and a quick learner, his general lack of motivation and willpower means he often falls short of his peers anyway.

Since making friends with Tounyuu Kyuto, a spirited brunette whose outgoing nature helps to balance out Mitsu’s reclusive tendencies, he’s not only become more accepting of his shinigami duties and of people in general, but has also become a happier person overall — the girl acts as his anchor, cheering him up when his pessimistic attitude takes over. Although he’s loathe to admit it, Kyu is incredibly dear to him, and the fact that she is able to look past his harsh mannerisms and shallow insults makes her his favorite person to be around.